Dark and Twisty
by kiwi2012
Summary: What is wrong with Meredith? Morning sickness? Sudden distance from tiquilia? Is Derek the... No Denny, and Burke wasn't shot Der&Mer Finn&Mer Christina&Burke George&Callie Alex&Izzie Please read!CHAPTER 6! CLIFFHANGER ENDING!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 (Prologue) 

"Meredith?"

Derek asked her after checking in on a surgical patient. They were in the hallway, surrounded by white walls and white tile.

"Meredith, what does this mean?"

He was talking about what happened at prom. Meredith didn't answer. She looked down, then to the side. Her hair waved the direction she tilted her head.

"Meredith!" he asked a little louder, hoping to get an answer.

"What? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I don't want to see you? Do you want me to tell you that you have to divorce Addison and pick me? Is that it? You're just waiting for someone to tell you that you have to stop so you have a reason?"

She was yelling. Tears were forming in her eyes. "Huh?" she looked at him, expecting an answer.

He almost had tears in his eyes. His throat throbbed. He stared at her.

"Whatever, Derek."

Meredith threw her hands up in the air and walked toward the elevator. She stepped in, alone, and waited for the door to slowly close. She waited a few seconds, and then she felt them coming. She felt the big crocodile tears in her throat, then one down her cheek. She reached over and pulled the red knob to stop the elevator. She slid down the wall of the compartment, crying and listening to the alarm ring.

All she could think about was Prom. How she was on a date with Finn, and he told her he had plans. The way Derek looked at her when they were dancing with their dates. The temptation. And of course, she broke. She broke and it split. The hatred of herself and Derek. The affair he committed. And the problem was… she liked it.

She pulled herself together. Her crying time was up. Meredith stood up and pushed in the red knob. The elevator jolted and slowly continued to go down.

At lunch, the usual seating was always. It was like high school lunch all over again. The cool kids sat at one table, the rejects at another, then the people no one likes, the people who everyone likes, the couple who fight a lot, and Meredith's table, the mistresses. Whether they were dirty mistresses or sleepers, strippers or lingerie models, and the couple who don't get in trouble but they guide the mistresses, all 6 of them were there. Christina, Meredith, Alex, Izzie, George, and Callie.

Meredith sometimes regretted sitting at this table. It was beside Derek and Addison's table. So even when she was eating, that's all she saw. The perfect couple. Right in front of her eyes. She had to watch them eat and laugh. And flirt and pass light kisses every now and then.

"Meredith, are you okay?" Izzie asked her.

"Yeah, I'm…fine."


	2. Morning Sickness

Chapter 2.

"_Meredith, I love you."_

_Finn told her and took her hand. He lowered himself down on one knee. Meredith was speechless. Right before she said yes, Derek appeared next to her, and Finn froze, like someone pressed pause. "Meredith, I love you." Derek took out a black box out of his pocket. He opened it and there was a beautiful ring inside. "Will you marry me?" Meredith was confused. Which one could she say yes to? She opened her mouth to speak, and her head spun. _

With a sudden urge in her abdomen, she opened her eyes from her dream and ran across the hall to the toilet. She grabbed it with her hands and vomited.

She flushed the toilet and she took a deep breath. Izzie appeared in the doorway. "Meredith, are you okay?" she yawned.

"Y-yeah. I'm f-fine." She stuttered

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." And Izzie left, going back to bed.

Meredith weakly pushed herself up to her feet. She looked in the mirror. She was sweaty and hot. Her face was pale and yucky-looking. She looked up at the clock. 3:17 am. I might as well get ready for work, she thought. Bailey had to have rounds done by 5:30 am. Meredith rubbed her face. She walked over to the shower, and turned the lever. She tested the water, and then got in. The steamy water relaxed her muscles as it flowed over her tired body. She would never leave this spot if it were possible.

When she got out of the bathroom, George was walking upstairs with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. He offered one to Meredith. She shook her head and said, "Oh, no thanks." The aroma made her want to throw up again. In fact, it did make her throw up again. She turned around to go back into that bathroom. She got to the toilet just in time for another date to worship the porcelain god.

She vomited once more.

"Meredith, are you okay?" George asked her. He was a bit worried. He heard her throw up earlier, but was too tired to get up and see what was wrong.

"Yeah…" she yelled back. She said it weakly, which made him want to go in. But he didn't want to go into the same bathroom where Meredith was puking. Izzie walked out of her bedroom. "Izzie, go in there and check on Meredith." He pointed out to her. Izzie's eyes widened. "What's wrong?" she said.

"She's throwing up."

"Again?" Izzie shouted.

"Yeah. Just, go check on her."

Izzie opened the bathroom door.

"Mer? Are you sick?"

Meredith's head was still hung over the toilet.

"I don't know." She whined back.

"Maybe we should take you to the hospital."

"No, I'm okay."

"Okay. Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Izzie turned around and opened the door, only to find that George was pressed up against the door, listening to them.

"I think she's okay." Izzie told George.

Meredith walked out of the bathroom and downstairs.

"Ready?" she asked George and Izzie, who were sitting on the couch.

"Yeah." They both answered. They stood up and walked over to the door.

The way to the hospital was awkward. No one said anything. They were either tired or didn't know what to say. Different thoughts were running through their heads. The one thought that all of them had was _"What was going on with Meredith?" _

When they got to the hospital, they went on with their usual schedules. Bailey yells at someone for being late, hands out charts, and Meredith goes on to find her patients.

Her first stop was a young teenager who tried to skate down a railing on his skateboard. He failed to stand up straight and landed smack-dap on his forehead on the cement.

"I was like, dude! And Toad was like, dude! And I- Ouch!"

Meredith interrupted his story by sticking and IV in his forearm.

"It hurts less if you're not expecting it," Meredith told him in a as-a-matter-a-fact way.

"This is Karen, a soon-to-be mother of triplets," Addison told Izzie, and she shook Karen's hand. "She needs an ultrasound and a central line to reduce the pain." Addison continued, and looked at Karen. "Karen, this is Dr. Stevens. She's going to take care of you."

During the ultrasound, Karen's husband walked in. "Hey, honey." She said. Her face lit up. "Can you tell us what we have here?" her husband asked Izzie. "Well, Fetes number 2 is developing spinal problems."

"What does this mean?"

"We can operate, and reduce the pressure on the spinal cord."

"Okay, er, any thing else?" the husband said nervously.

"Fetes number 3 is developing slower than the other two."

"That doesn't sound good," Karen said, her eyes staring at the ultrasound monitor.

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd is calling surrounding hospitals to get more information."

At lunch, they all sat at their usual spots. Izzie beside Alex, George beside Izzie, Callie beside George, and Christina beside Meredith. They were all staring at Meredith. Meredith's head was down, thinking about this morning. _What did her dream mean?_

"Meredith, are you gonna eat that?" Alex asked her, pointing to her sandwich. "Alex!" Izzie quietly scolded him and slapped him on the shoulder. "No, go head." Meredith told him, still looking down. He reached over and grabbed it, taking a big bite out of it on his way sitting down in his seat.

"Christina, you've got a patient who has a hole in his heart?" George asked Christina.

"Yeah. I'm helping Burke operate."

"I wanna help!" Izzie said.

"No way! I asked first!" George argued back with her.

After lunch, the day pretty much went fast. On the drive home, George, Meredith and Izzie went to Joe's.

"A beer, please Joe." George said to Joe, as he sat down on the stool.

"Commin' up, O'Malley," Joe said as he was finishing up making Izzie's daiquiri.

"Joe, you want to join us in a game of Who's Life Sucks The Most?" Meredith asked, and she twirled her hair in her fingers.

"Oh, c'mon. You know my life's great. I loose every time," he joked back to her.

"'kay, suit yourself…Joe, I'm not drinking today."

"Why?" George said, as he took a drink of his beer.

"I'm the designated driver." Meredith looked down at her soda.

"I don't feel like drinking."

On the way home, Meredith didn't say anything. George had enough of this. "Meredith, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something is."

"Nothing is wrong!"

"Then why didn't you drink tonight?"

"I feel sick!"

"Why?!"

"I don't know." She said as she pulled into the driveway. She didn't say anything to either of them the rest of the night.


	3. More Yuckiness

Chapter 3 

Meredith woke up again this morning with the urge to vomit. She rushed over to the bathroom and threw up. This time, no one came in the doorway. She got herself back up after she was finished and walked back over to her room, and back to bed where she feel asleep once again.

But her sleep was interrupted when she woke up to the 'nauseating' smell of coffee. George was coming up the stairs, cup in hand. The smell jolted her stomach in all directions. She got out of bed and walked out the door. The smell grew greater in the hallway. She moaned to herself.

"Are you throwing up again?" George asked, his voice was curious and cautious.

"Uh-huh."

"Ewww…." He said as he went to his bedroom. She went to the bathroom. She opened the door to find Izzie, in the shower. Meredith walked over to the toilet and sat down in front of it.

"Not feelin' good, Mer?"

"Nooooo."

"Awww. I heard the flu was going around the hospital."

Meredith barely interrupted Izzie by vomiting. She didn't feel like talking. She didn't feel like throwing up. She felt like destroying the coffee machine for the smell of the beans slowly condensing into liquid beverage. She normally would welcome the smell of coffee, but this morning, she felt like it was taking over her stomach.

"Mer, I think you should see a doctor." Izzie said, her voice concerned and demanding. Meredith looked over at the almost clear glass to the shower. She saw the distorted image of Izzie, running her hands through her hair.

"I told you, I'm fine." Meredith said slowly, making sure Izzie understood each word.

"Really,? Is that why you've been throwing up and avoiding coffee?"

Meredith didn't answer. She flushed the toilet and sat her head against the wall. She moaned to herself, hoping Izzie wouldn't hear.

George knocked on the door. "Are you guys almost done in there?" he said anxiously.

"Almost…" Izzie said. She turned off the showerhead. A silent moment was held, hearing only Meredith's deep breath. Steam rolled out of the top of the shower. Meredith decided it was time to go out of the bathroom because she honestly didn't want to see Izzie's nude body. She stood up, wobbled a little bit, and slowly walked out the bathroom. She saw George by the door.

"She's just getting out of the shower."

George sighed. Times like this he was impatient and wished the house had a second bathroom. Or less women.

When they were all ready, with their bags and jackets on, Izzie poured herself one last cup of coffee.

"Izz, please don't bring that in the car." Meredith whined. The smell to her was absolutely mortifying to Meredith. It really was a big deal. How else was she supposed to stay awake this morning?

"Oh, fine. Izzie chugged the remaining coffee in the travel mug and smiled.

"C'mon people! Let's move!" Bailey yelled down the lockers. Alex was in his locker, and looked at Meredith.

"You don't look so good," he said as he fumbled with his scrubs.

"I don't feel so good."

"Morning, Karen. How are you feeling?" Izzie asked the mother of triplets.

"Okay, I guess."

"That's good. Has Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd talked to you about the babies yet?"

"Yes. She said that they're going to have to run a few more tests and we'll go from there."

"Okay… Well, everything looks good. I'll check in with Dr. Shepherd."

Izzie smiled and walked out of the room, when deep down, she realized that she really wanted that coffee.

Today Meredith was stuck in the pit. She really hated the pit. The only ever time she liked it was when someone had bicycle spokes poked in the side of someone or two people stuck together with a pole between them. She walked over randomly to a couple in the second curtain. She looked at the woman, who was lying down on the bed. Her eyes were filled with anger, her husband looked guilty.

"So, what've we got here?" Meredith asked, although she could've figured it out on her own, she just enjoyed hearing people's stories that were often funny or just plain stupidity.

"My stupid husband of mine was making supper last night and cut off his finger!" the women said, starring at her husband.

"It's not cut off! It's still there!" the husband lifted up his hand that was wrapped in bloody gauze.

Meredith squinted. This made her stomach bobble. She grabbed the trashcan beside the hospital bed, took a few steps and vomited. She cursed. _Why had this been happening?!_

"Are you okay?" the wife asked, her eyes directly on Meredith. Meredith wiped her mouth on her sleeve.

"Okay… Where was I?" she asked, and continued to examine the hand.

"Meredith!" Derek yelled when he saw her walking down the hallway. Meredith trudged faster, aiming for the elevator. "Meredith!" he ran after her, hoping to catch up.

She stepped into the elevator. As the doors began to close, almost a foot apart, Derek's hand intercepted causing the silver shiny doors to spread in opposite directions.

"Meredith," he whispered when the doors closed and the elevator dinged. "We have to talk."

"Stop it. Just. Stop talking to me." Meredith answered, and she stared up at the meter showing what floor they were on. 3. 4. 5. Derek swallowed hard. Meredith could her his breath shaking, as if he was crying without tears.

"Derek. Leave me alone." She quietly said when she arrived at the 7th floor. He stared back at her body as she left, watching it sway and shake, imagining tears falling from her face. He stood in the back corner, and closed the doors. He looked up, a tear finally forming within _his_ eyes.


	4. Get a Consult

Chapter 4

"Meredith, I think you should see a doctor."

Izzie said as they got out of the car. She stepped onto the blacktop of the Seattle Grace Hospital parking lot. "Izzie, I'm not sick!" Meredith said and she slammed her car door. George, who was quiet the whole way there, quietly pushed his door shut and swung his backpack over his shoulder.

"Meredith! For the past week, every freaking morning me and George have listened to you puke! Forgive me, for being concerned about my friend!" Izzie yelled. This was true. A few more days had passed, and Meredith was still throwing up. The smell of coffee still made her nauseated. Yesterday Meredith had unplugged the coffee maker to stop it from automatically setting off at 4:15. Last night everyone went to Joe's; Meredith couldn't stand the smell of her tequila so she remained sober. This morning she had thrown up again, but her roommates still hadn't complained. Except yesterday. Izzie really liked coffee in the morning.

When the three of them reached the hospital entrance, Meredith ran to the elevator, hoping Izzie and George would take the stairs. _That would be a negative._ Izzie ran after her, trapping her in the elevator. _Whoever invented that technique deserves to be in an elevator with man-hungr_y _crocodiles_. Meredith thought. _Oh, wait. That was Derek._

"Ha, now you're trapped." Izzie said, and she pressed the 2 on the pattern.

"Izzie, I'm not going to a doctor."

"Then, at least get a consult from Bailey or something."

"No, because I'm not sick!"

"Oh, whatever!" Izzie rolled her eyes. "So it's natural to get sick every morning?"

The door arrived at the second floor, and they both stepped out.

"Meredith, just get a consult!" Izzie yelled as they walked through the white hallway.

Meredith made a quick exit and ran into the door of the bathroom. She stepped in a stall and threw up.

"George, we have to do something." Izzie said as she put on her scrubs beside her locker.

"Like what?" he looked at her and he thought up different things in his mind.

"I don't know. Maybe… I don't know. I think she might be-"

"No, she can't be."

"How do you know? You been in her uterus lately?"

He didn't say anything. He hated it when people made obscured comments like that.

"That's what I thought." She closed her locker and walked to the door.

Alex walked up to Christina, who was unnoticed on the other side of the lockers.

"How long do you think Shepard's gonna keep me on the vagina squad?" he exaggerated toward her, she took the stethoscope off of the hanger in the locker. His locker was next to hers.

"Probably until you learn not to be an ass."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you need me to spell it out for you?" she laughed a little.

"You're hot when you're feisty." He smiled.

"Shut up Evil Spawn." Christina closed her locker and walked on over to George.

"What was that all about?" Christina asked him. She was referring to the conversation him and Izzie had.

"Meredith has been sick and Izzie's mad at her because she won't see a doctor."

"What kind of sick?"

"Well, let's see… she's throwing up, unplugging the coffee machine and won't drink her tequila."

"Gees, I didn't ask for a diagnosis."

Christina looked down and began walking.

"Maybe she's-" Christina started.

"No she's not!"

"Okay, Bambi. But if she's sleeping with McDreamy again,"

"She's not. Trust me." George said seriously and stated as though he actually knew it was true. He hoped it wasn't what Izzie and Christina kept saying. He really did.

This morning during rounds, Alex was assigned to a case for Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, which was a pregnant woman with 10 other children. This reminded Alex of his family; growing up with 6 brothers and 2 sisters, which there were 9 kids altogether. 4 boys and 1 girl were adopted, the rest were "natural", as he put it.

This pregnant woman had 9 all-of-her-own children, all different ages, one adopted. And now she was about to give birth to twins.

"Me and my husband just wanted a big family. We had no idea that three sets of twins and one group of triplets would be so much." The woman to Alex and Addison as Addison was squirting gel onto the woman's bare overgrown stomach. Addison continued the ultrasound and when she spotted the twins, she gasped. "Whoa, that doesn't sound so good, you know." The mother told Addison and glanced up at Alex. He stared at the monitor and walked over to Addison. "Well, the fetuses are… uhm… They are… together." She said to the mother. "What does this mean, can you fix it?" the mother was dumbfounded. She had seen these on the news and on different miracle shows but never imagined this happening to her. "Kerev, go check on the procedure and see what the treatment was." Addison told Alex, and he walked out of the door.

At lunch, Meredith didn't say anything to anyone. Everyone at the table stared back at her, pretending to eat their food whenever she looked up.

"Meredith, just go get one." Izzie pleaded again.

"Why does everyone want me to get a consult?!"

"Because. You are sick. Or-"

"Izzie! No, I'm not!" Izzie and Meredith kept arguing while everyone stared and made their own conversation.

"Seriously?" Christina looked at George.

"Seriously." He whispered.

Alex scarffed down the last bite of his large sandwich and looked over at Christina.

"Do you guys think she's pre-"

"Yes." Christina said fast before he could finish.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." Christina said back and looked over at Derek and Addison.

"Wanna make bets?" Alex asked.

"Ten bucks says she's pregnant." Christina put in two fives on the center of the table.

"Fifteen says McDreamy's."

Meredith fell asleep in the on-call room not too long after she had worked roughly 29 hours. Her dream was creepy and weird, with a lot of blurry images. George and Izzie and George kept telling her to get a consult; Bailey had kicked her out of the program because she slept with Derek. Then she kept hearing Addison say in her dream that there would be a lot of babies and that Meredith was a lucky mother. When Meredith woke up, she remembered the dream, and it wasn't a dream that was very pleasant either. She knew she had to get a consult. Why was she so scared to? Was it because she really knew she wasn't sick? Or was she just denying it? She looked up at the ceiling from the top bunk. She needed a consult. She needed to get one today. But who could do it? Addison would be to humiliating. Izzie would tell Christina. Christina would make fun of her. George wouldn't do it anyway. Bailey would be too busy. That leaves one person who could do it. Alex. Meredith sighed and stood up, almost hitting her head on the ceiling. She needed to find him.

She eventually found Alex in another on-call room sleeping. "Alex." She said and she poked him in the shoulder.

"What?" he moaned.

"Alex, I want a consult."

"Tell Izzie to do it."

"No. She'll rub it in my face that she was right."

"I don't do chick consults."

"C'mon Alex." She pleaded.

"Fine." He sat up and looked at her.

"Thanks."

When they got to an exam room, Meredith shut all of the blinds. She had all the stuff to do an ultrasound. "So, why am I doing this?" he asked.

"Because I'm sick and need a consult."

"No, I mean an _ultrasound_. Why am I doing a chick thing?"

"Because. Just to be sure. And, it could just be an ulcer or something."

"Right…" he pointed for her to get on the bed and he wheeled over the cart with the monitor. He knew how to do this; he had done it many times on the Vagina Squad, a.k.a for Addison. She laid down and pulled her top up below her breasts. Alex squeezed out the cold gel onto the lower half of her stomach and pressed the thing that transmits video down below her belly button. He searched around, and finally spoke up.

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!" he said, and he looked at her.

"What?" she asked. She actually knew the answer and prepared herself for it.

"Sorry, Mere, but you're…uh, you're pregnant."

Tears formed in Meredith's eyes. "Seriously?" she screeched.

He nodded.

"Damn it." She cried. He honestly hadn't predicted what her reaction would be. He finally decided not to be an ass and turned off the monitor. He sat down beside her. Tears were rolling down her cheeks; she began to sob a little harder. He grabbed her and lifted to his chest. He didn't say anything; he didn't try to say anything. He just acted like he wasn't an ass. And it was working.

A minute had passed and Meredith was still crying. Alex was still holding her against his chest, not knowing what to do. This was such unlike Meredith.

The door swung open, and it was Izzie. She stared for a second and then realized what had happened. Or at least what she thought had happened.

"Meredith." She whispered. "Meredith are you-…"

Meredith didn't say anything, she just kept crying.

Izzie looked up at Alex. "Alex, is she-…" she whispered. "Pregnant?"

He nodded.

"Seriously?" she asked. He nodded back at her again. "Oh my gosh…"

Izzie walked over and took Meredith and freeing Alex from the tears. She sat with Meredith against her chest, in the same position as Alex had, and stayed there until Meredith was finished crying. _Oh, Meredith… what have you gotten yourself into? _Izzie thought almost crying herself.


	5. Seriously? & Seriously

Chapter 5

Author's Note: I updated a little faster this time because I was on a roll and anxious for the dialogue I kept thinking up and adding to in my head. If you read a little carefully, you can see some "inside humor". This chapter takes place after where we left off in the last chapter. (I even added the last sentence of the last chapter in, if you see.) I just started a temporary website because my other was shut down. it is at . Please visit it! I hope you enjoy these next chapters! (Well, chapter 5 and a half chapter after it...)

_Author's Note: Rating increased for some language on this chapter!_

_Oh, Meredith… What have you gotten yourself into? _Izzie thought, almost crying herself. Meredith had stopped crying, leaving only whimpers and sniffles. She hadn't prepared herself as well as she thought she had. "Meredith… you have to tell him…" Izzie said softly, although she hadn't entirely wanted to say it out loud. Meredith sniffed and rubbed her nose on her orange sleeve. "I don't think I can," she said sadly, almost watering again.

"Who's is it?" Izzie asked. She could've answered this herself; she thought it was Finn. It had to be. She was always at his house overnights and he stayed over late. If Meredith slept with Derek, she'd had known about it. (After all, the walls were almost paper thin.)

Meredith didn't answer. She didn't want to answer it, forcing her mind to believe she didn't know. But she did, and it made her burst into tears again. How could she tell the _man that was married to a different woman? That the girl he had a one-night stand with was pregnant- with his baby_? She sobbed. Meredith was rambling, something she did when she cried. She rambled this time about how she was such a slut. And now she'd be a pregnant whore. Izzie didn't understand a word she was saying, except bits and pieces of how Meredith should have been more careful and should have kept taking birth control after her and Derek stopped seeing each other.

"Meredith, do you _know_ who's it is?" Izzie thought she'd ask; you never could predict Meredith…

"Yes! I know w-who's it is!" Meredith wailed.

"Who's is it?"

Meredith hesitated. She could lie, but then she could tell the truth. "Derek's!" she yelled again. "God, I am such a whore!" she put her head in her hands.

"Shhh…. Meredith, you're not a whore…"

"Yes I am! I'm a stupid, pregnant whore!"

"No, you're not,"

"Yes, I am. And there's nothing you can do."

Izzie froze. Meredith was kind of right. Meredith is Meredith. And there's many ways to describe her, some ways better than others. But if there was one thing for sure, it was that she was, indeed, scary and damaged. Or dark and twisty; Izzie couldn't decide between the best.

Izzie and Meredith sat there, until Meredith's beeper buzzed. It was Dr. Shepherd. _Great,_ she thought sarcastically.

"Are you gonna tell him?" Izzie looked Meredith straight in the eye.

"I have to, don't I?"

"You don't have to, but it's the right thing to do…"

"Ughhh… I'll just wait for the right time."

"Which will be?"

"When I'm ready to tell him."

Izzie and Meredith sat in silence for a little while, until Meredith decided to get up and answer her page.

Izzie shot up. "Oooo, can I tell Christina?" she asked eagerly.

"No. She'll win 10 bucks."

"Huh?"

"Never mind… I don't want anyone to know."

"Yeah, good luck with that… the only thing that spreads faster then disease in this hospital is gossip."

"Yeah, well… seriously, don't tell anyone."

Meredith walked down the hallways, up the elevator and into the patient's room in which she was paged from. But there showed no evidence of a patient. This spooked Meredith out. Could he have moved the patient already? Derek walked into the room, creeping up on Meredith from behind.

"You've been avoiding me." He said in the McDreamy way of his. "Why?"

Meredith starred at him, making sure she sent the message that meant she was still trying to avoid him.

"Is it because of what happened?" he asked, hoping that would be the worst of it.

"Well, duh!" Meredith said childishly. "I do not like being the adulterous bitch! You did the same thing as Addison did. And you blame _her_ for breaking your marriage!"

He was befuddled. He didn't see that coming. Meredith couldn't stop and control herself.

"I just had an emotional break down! I had to go with the awkward looks from George and Izzie and Callie and Addison! I have done something that has ruined my life. Not just your marriage, but my life! You have ruined my life! Seriously! Sleeping with you was the worst thing I have ever done!" Meredith said this so fast; he only understood the last sentence she yelled. _Not the best thing to hear_, he thought.

"Why have _I ruined _your life?" Derek asked, wanting to know what he did that was so bad that she exaggerated so harshly.

Meredith couldn't catch herself.

"I'm pregnant!" she yelled, tears breaking loose and piling onto he cheeks and drifting onto her scrubs. She realized what she had done. She just let it slip; and she can't take it back. She looked up at Derek. His jaw was slightly dropped, trying to soak it in.

"Is it…mine?"

"Yes." She whined and sniffed.

"Are you sure?"

"Me and Finn haven't…"

"Oh…" he said softly. "So what does this mean?"

"It means I'm pregnant with your baby."

"I have to tell her…" he whispered. He was talking about Addison. That's almost what Meredith was thinking, except Meredith was picturing more of a Meredith verses Addison catfight with lots of hair pulling and name-calling. Hopefully Meredith's imagination was just the hormones.

Meredith blew her nose in a tissue and threw it in the trash beside the hospital bed.

"I have to go, uh, check on patients…" she said as she stood up. She walked to the door, hoping he wouldn't follow her. Derek softly grabbed her arm right before she reached the doorway.

"Meredith, we'll figure this out…somehow…"

She soaked in his words and walked on.

**Chapter 5 ½**

****

**MERDITH'S HOME**

"I told him."

Meredith said to Izzie when she sat down on the stool in her kitchen.

"And?"

"He's telling her."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"McDreamy telling McSatan he's McDaddy with McMeredith…" Izzie agreed: that was way to many McNames. The conversation continued with Meredith, who stuffed a chocolate brownie in her mouth moments before, with chocolate sticky around the edge of her lips.

"I think she'll try and kill me," she said half-humorously that it made Izzie laugh.

"Maybe she'll sell your internal organs for cash," Izzie played along, and she chuckled a little harder.

"You can never be sure with Addison."

"Do you wanna watch some surgery tapes and order take-out?" Izzie asked randomly.

"Seriously. I'm so craving Thai Fry from that place on the corner." Meredith said excitedly. Izzie laughed and Meredith smiled.

**DEREK'S TRAILER**

Derek stood outside his trailer thinking about what to say. He could give the news to her smoothly and ease it, or he could straight out say it. Either way he would break her heart. He would just have to be a man and tell her, stand his ground and be a responsible adult. _Yeah, right._ He thought again. Derek took a few steps and turned the handle. He pushed it, taking a deep breath. He stepped inside the warm, pizza smelling trailer. Obviously Addison ordered out for the two of them. She was sitting at the table with a slice of pizza in one hand, the other flipping through a catalog. She looked up at him.

"Hi, honey." She said sweetly.

"What? Oh, uh, hi…" he was distracted with words in his head.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Something."

"Nothing is wrong. Seriously."

"Okay, well, I'm looking for new bed sheets." She looked down the page in the catalog. and scanned it. "I'm thinking about flannel. They have really nice sets of red and grey flannel."

Derek didn't pay much attention. "Addison, we have to talk."

She flipped the page and took a bite of her pizza. She didn't tune to what he said. "Oh! Look at these! These have little paw prints on them… awww…" she said.

"Addison, we have to talk about something important,"

"Ewe, that sheet is ug-a-ly…" she said about a brown tie –dyed sheet set, still not listening.

"Addison!"

"What about silk?"

"Addison Marie! Look at me!" he said impatiently.

She finally looked up. He had never used her middle name in anger like that. He used it when they were, you know, but never when he was mad.

"Addison, I have to tell you something and, uhmm, you might want to, uh, listen." He said calmly.

"Okay, shoot." She encouraged him. She was in such a good mood. Why did he have to ruin it?

"Meredith is pregnant." He said softly, trying not to send any messages.

"I knew that woman would get knocked up sooner or later." Addison said. She took the last bite of her pizza and reached for another.

Derek rubbed his forehead with his finger and thumb, something he did when he was stressed.

"No, Addison. Meredith is _pregnant._" He stressed a little further. She understood. She dropped her slice of pizza smack-dab on the page of the catalog.

"Oh…" she whispered. "It's yours, isn't it," she asked, just wanting to know if she was getting the right drift.

"Yes… I slept with her, at, prom…" he explained nervously, putting breaks between some words.

"Oh…" she formed tears in the corner of her eyes. "Um, well, uh…" she handed him the pizza box, with half of a pizza left in it. "Leave."

"What? This is my house!" he almost yelled.

"Yeah, well, I'm kicking you out."

Derek didn't want to get angry and do something he'd regret. He backed up and held the box in one elbow and opened the door with the other hand. He stepped and pulled the door shut. He heard her cry as soon as the door closed all the way. Derek looked up at the sky and went to his car and got in.

He was going to where every surgeon goes to think. The O.R Board.

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	6. Falling Into Nothing Part 1

AN::: Hey! This is part one of the new Chapter 6. Hope you like it!

This takes place right after Derek was kicked out of his own trailer. It make get confusing for you around the middle and flashback, but bear with me... Reveiws really do help!

Chapter 6 Part One

Around 2:30 am, Derek stumbled over to the OR board with less balance than normal. He starred at the black marked words in the squares. He believed you could learn anything from just starring at the board. Even gossip. If one of the doctor's names was as a patient, you knew something was wrong. If a surgeon's name was scribbled really tiny on a surgery square, you knew they wanted it quiet. If there was noticeable eraser marks, they had to fight for it. Or, if their name wasn't on it at all, that was trouble. Or peace.

Derek whispered to himself as he scanned over the board.

"Dr. Shepherd…" Dr. Webber greeted Derek. Derek turned to face him.

"Oh… good morning, Chief Webber!" Derek slurred excitedly. Dr. Webber could smell alcohol on his breath.

"Derek, are you drunk?"

"You bet I am. Drunk as a skunk." He laughed.

"Come with me…" Dr. Webber motioned for him to follow. They walked up the stairs, which was pretty hard for Derek. They walked into Dr. Webber's office. Dr. Webber sat down on the chair and Derek sat on the comfortable couch. "Derek, what are you doing here?"

"I don't know… You led me up here." He waved his hands around the room.

"No, I mean in this hospital."

"Oh… Th-thinking about things."

Dr. Webber wanted to know more.

"Wanna know what I was-a thinkin' about?" Derek swerved his head around. "I was thinkin' about Meredith. And Addison. And my baby."

"Baby?" Dr. Webber strongly asked.

"Yep. I'm-a gonna be a daddy. Isn't that great?"

"Who's pregnant?"

"Mer-a-dith." Derek said smiled childishly. Derek got childish and southern-speaking when he was tipsy.

"Oh…"

"Yep. And Addison went and kicked me out of my own trailer. Who does she think she is?"

Dr. Webber smiled at this. He could imagine Addison doing something like that.

"Derek, if you're gonna have an affair, you've got to know not get her pregnant…"

"Well, I did. And what an asshole I am."

"Why don't you get yourself a banana bag and find yourself a surgery."

"Ol'right…"

"Okay."

4:47 am (That same morning)

Meredith's alarm had been going off for 2 minuets before she finally decided to get up. She walked downstairs to find something to eat for breakfast. When she stepped into the kitchen, her stomach felt woozy. George and Izzie had resorted to getting up an extra half hour to make and drink coffee because of Meredith's sensitivity to it. So, when Meredith got into the kitchen, the aroma was not as strong, but still lingered on inside the room from the open coffee mugs. Izzie was slouched over her mug and was reading the daily newspaper; George secretly hiding a Pregnancy magazine behind an upside down Nation/World section of the Seattle Sentinel. Last night after George found out about Meredith being pregnant, she had caught him programming the TiVo to TLC shows like "A Baby Story", "Bring Home Baby" and "Surviving Motherhood". But George was George- caring and responsible. He told her he would be there every step of the way, comforting her and holding her hair back in the morning sickness. Meredith didn't set her heart on the hair holding. (George never did well with vomiting situations.)

"Good morning…" Izzie sleepily handed Meredith a muffin. Meredith assumed it was from the batch that Izzie had made her late last night, because she said Meredith needed some comfort food. Which may have been true, considering that she had cried for a while after she had overheard George's first reaction to the new news.

Flashback from Last Night

"Hey. What's going on?" George asked Meredith and Izzie when he got inside the door. Callie followed behind him. Izzie turned around to look at him from the couch. "Hey Callie!" Izzie greeted. "Wanna watch some surgery tapes and eat cold take out?"

"_Mmmm… Thai Fry and watching a guy's face get pulled off…" Callie said back. They all laughed at this except for Meredith. She knew that she had to tell George. You can't not tell George. Meredith's face was burning and her lip almost quivering, thinking of how she'd break it to him. Izzie noticed this and leaned over and whispered in Meredith's ear, "I'll tell him later." _

_Meredith was relived. The last thing that she wanted to do was hurt George. Again. At least now Izzie would have to deal with his sad Bambi stage._

_As time went by, Callie left. That left Izzie, George and Meredith in an awkward silence. Finally, George decided to call it a night and head upstairs. Meredith glanced over at Izzie when George got at the top of the stairs. Izzie got the message and followed George. At first Izzie hesitated. She honestly didn't know what to say. He had once had ultimate feelings for Meredith. Then something bad happened with their relationship and so George began to move on. He met Callie, but he was still fragile. She took a few steps toward George's bedroom door and when she reached it, she grabbed the handle. She lightly knocked to give him a fair warning. Izzie pushed open the door, finding George on his bed, playing a game on his PSP. _

"_Uh… George?" Izzie lightly said. He looked up at her. She had to do this. It was better this way._

"_Huh?" he asked._

_Izzie groaned and paused for a second. She walked over to his bed, and plopped down on it. _

"_George… We all make mistakes." Izzie whispered, half hoping he wouldn't listen to her. "And you know Meredith… always making mistakes." She drifted. George didn't know where this was coming from. He was always a good listener, and he kept listening to Izzie whisper and ramble._

"_George… Meredith is… um… Meredith is…" she almost couldn't do it. She was never good at being the hard-ass. She had always been sensitive, and respected the people that were sensitive along with her, which George was one of them. _

"_Izzie, what is it?" he was getting a little impatient._

"_Meredith is pregnant, George." Izzie closed her eyes. She hoped he wouldn't totally be mad or sad. _

"_No she's not," he denied._

"_I'm so sorry, George."_

"_She's not pregnant. She can't be."_

"_George… she made a mistake and now she's… well…" they both paused._

"_Whose is it, then?"_

"_She said its Derek's…"_

"_That bastard." He said almost under his breath. His Adams apple began to quiver and his heart began to beat faster. Izzie saw and didn't want him to feel bad so she made up an excuse to leave. When she got out of the door, she saw Meredith, sitting less then a foot away from the door, tears running down her face. Izzie sat beside her and cradled Meredith inside her arms. This wasn't going to be east for anyone… even George._

End Flashback

Meredith quickly took the muffin and sat down, grabbing the advertisement pages for Kohl's Department Store and JC Penny's. She began to flip through them, looking for a particular section- maternity wear. She had never really looked at maternity clothes, so she was a little curious as to what they were like. She got to a few pages when she finally found a section on "mommy fashion". The first thing she noticed was the woman on the page. She looked so happy, so enlightened. She had her tan hands wrapped around the bottom of her oversized stomach. The mom was wearing a short sleeve shirt that had a knit petticoat to it, fastening towards the bottom of her breasts and the top of her belly. She wore brown gauchos, which looked casual but something you would wear to a dinner or a party. Meredith studied the picture more and more, capturing the exact image in her mind. She starred down at the woman's belly and again at her hands placed around it. Meredith concentrated on it and on it until; a part of her gave in. She reached her hands down to her abdomen, placing her hands as the lady's was, and tried to picture herself with that giant stomach. She tried to imagine the tiny life she now supported, that she would now be responsible for. She tried and tried to substitute her face with the woman's, and finally… she did. She saw herself, in the pretty outfit, standing in the scenery surrounded by flowers, surrounded by life.

She was drifted into a daydream, a moment where she escaped reality and had her own. And when she got to the point where the flowers were all bloomed, her friends were frozen like a picture around her and her baby kicking inside of her, her mind snapped back to life she lived now, the life she will always have.

"Dr. Shepard wants to see you in room 456 on Nero floor." A nurse told Meredith as she stepped toward the nurse's station. _Oh, great…_Meredith thought sarcastically. _Just the man I wanted to see._

As Meredith walked down the white hallways lined by doors, she thought about what to say to him. She knew he had no patient in room 456; he just wanted a way to make her come to him. She arrived at the door feeling a little nervous.

"Meredith…" he said as he walked over to her. He lightly grazed his hand on the side of her calm face. She immediately pulled away.

"What do you want from me?" she asked bitterly.

"I wanna be supportive!"

"Well… stop! Because I don't need your support."

"You are a single, scary and damaged pregnant intern. You need support."

"Not yours."

"Why not?"

"You're married, Derek!" she yelled at him.

"Hopefully not for long!"

"You told her?" she lowered her voice. She had disappointment and worry in her voice.

"I had to. And she kicked me out."

Meredith mentally laughed.

"And then I spent the whole night getting drunk at Joe's and thinking about what I'm going to do." He continued.

"What _you're_ going to do? What about me? I'm the one carrying the freaking product of your mistake!"

Meredith turned around and stormed out of the room. She ran down the hallways, running as fast as she could, trying to throw every feeling out of herself. Every single thought, until there would be nothing.

And finally, her mind got the best of her, and she felt her body throbbing and losing balance as she ran, until she tripped, feeling her weightless body whirl onto the ground around her, others surrounding her, and then, she drifted into blackness… into nothing.

AN:: Did you catch that? She tripped... and blacked out...


End file.
